I wish.

I read through her blog again today. I do not know why, tears start to flow through my cheeks. I remembered what you told me before.

You are a man, you cannot always cry because of small tiny things.

I thought for a moment. Is this thing small or big ? I have no answers. Losing you is the biggest regret in my life, and it will also be the biggest change in my life. To be honest, I never want to lose you before, it is just that, if I do not decide till now, both of us will still be suffering. You will never want to be with a guy who ill-treats you, who do not Love you as what a boyfriend should do.

It is not that I do not want to talk to you in a nice way. But I cannot, if I do, you will not forget about me and all my effort will vanish just like that. I read the messages that I sent to you 2 years back. I know, and I realised, I cannot give you what you need the most, Love by now. I can see the differences between the 2 years back me, and the one I am now. I am totally different, no longer the sayang you know anymore, no longer LZY.

I saw your tears in the photo. I am speechless. For so many days we had been together, I never seen you cry before in my life. I only listen, I only feel, but not in front of my eyes. I guess I hurt you deeply, till I sank your heart. I am sorry, I apologize. With this kind of situation now, I guess, even it takes my life away, we will not be together anymore.

放弃