why books ?

It had been a hectic two weeks of holidays for me. I had been trying very hard to finish all my syllabus within this holidays. But nothing seems to be sticking in my brain. There are so much to think, yet there are so much to worry. I do not understand why concerning someone is a crime ? I do not understand why talking to girls are wrong ? There are so many things that had been playing in my mind for these few days. I feel like it is a hell in me that is playing tricks on me. Nothing seems to be right. I cannot even concentrate myself on the study table for even a short fourty five minutes.

SPM trials is just within one week time, how much can I cope in this trials ? I need a good result to proceed for scholarships, but how much can I do ? I do not know. It is still a snake and ladder game for me, anytime I will win, but anytime I will fall. I do not wish to fall now, just like how I fell during Standard Six UPSR, where everyone is looking at me with disappointment. I want everything to be alright like PMR, where I have my own moment in my life, everyone is proud at me. But, I have no confidence in my studies, no matter in my strong subjects nor the weak subjects.

I wish that life will be like in the kindergarten. Where I have no fuss at all. I do not need to hassle around for my studies, and think so much for my future. My life would be as easy as ABC. School, eat, play and sleep is what all I do. Why must the world be tougher day by day ?

Please, someone, help me.